Like most of my fellow Houstonians, I have been glued to social media looking for updates on the flooding and communicating with friends and family regarding their safety. I remember vividly where I was and exactly what I was doing when Tropical Storm Allison ravaged our town. That night, I had gone to happy hour downtown and headed over to the Continental Club for drinks and music. I had several phone calls that evening asking where I was and why I was not heading home. In my head I was saying, “dude, it’s just a little rain, why are people freaking out?” Around midnight, water began flooding into the club and I was finally able to discern through my drunken haze that all was not well in the world. I tried to make it home that night but ended up parking my car on high ground and going to sleep until the next morning. I grew up in San Antonio and knew better than to drive into high water.

Flash forward 16 years. When Harvey was approaching, my Facebook feed was flooded with photos of people at Specs and grocery carts full of beer and wine. I went to HEB to load up on supplies for Claire and I and noticed the same thing in person. I’ve never been fully open about my struggles with addiction, primarily because my issue is with food and people generally do not understand the disease. Years ago, I went to OA meetings and worked the 12 steps. As part of my program, I stopped drinking as well. I did not think much of it at the time because, like most addicts, I thought it would be a temporary fix. I never really self-identified as an alcoholic because, well, I was an addict. I have not had a drink in over 6 years, but I have obviously eaten in that time period. And, I have found myself on the losing end of addiction once again.

In times of high stress, many of us turn to coping mechanisms to ease our fear. There seems to be a softening of the sting of fear in facing a life or death situation by using substances which trigger our endorphins. I have found myself couped up in the house for days on end, wandering aimlessly to the cupboard when the visuals of friends, family, and neighbors suffering become a little too much to handle I’m here to tell you that food addiction of any form is a bitch. It is a disease which countless individuals struggle with, many of them not knowing they are addicted. There have been numerous studies on the addictive properties of sugar, but there is little public discourse on the dangers of giving your kid a cupcake as a soothing mechanism. Unlike drinking or other addictions, which are equally devastating, one does not have the option of not eating.

In the 12-step program, there is a saying that our addiction is an outward manifestation of an inward problem. I have the unenviable status of being able to correlate the number of Jay Leno references to an increase in my weight. I have gotten to the point that when a person I do not know starts a sentence with “Has anyone ever…,” I automatically finish it for them. I know I have a problem with food, particularly sugar and white flour. I am reminded every day when I get on the scale or eat something which is not healthy that I am an addict.

I am not here to proselytize. Mostly, I am writing this as a personal reminder. Hopefully, this post might also provide insight to others about the insidious nature of food and other addictions. It is not simply a matter of willpower. I wish discussion about addiction was less stigmatized. I would love to hear others speaking openly about their struggles with the desire to have a drink or indulge in some other addictive behavior. I know I am not alone. But, I have seen the unkindness from others questioning the nature of the storm and not evacuating. While I am heartened by the willingness of strangers to help their fellow humans in time of need, I have also seen more of the shadow side of humanity than I would care to admit. I can only imagine how the troll army would respond when being open about addiction.

So, I say this. If you are struggling, you are not alone. Even if you do not have an addiction, kindness and empathy go a very long way for your friends and neighbors, especially those in need. I am working on taking steps to get healthy, but I understand the road I am facing. I have been down it before. The same is true with everyone else out there. We have been done this road before and we will survive as a city and be better for it.