15 Jun resistance is futile

If you weren’t a Star Trek – The Next Generation nerd, you may never have had the pleasure of hearing a member of the Borg say: “You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.” The Borg was a collective of cybernetic organisms who assimilated other cultures and technologies into The Hive by inserting nanoprobes into the brains of their captives. The ultimate goal of the Borg was to achieve perfection through the assimilation of all species.

Stay with me here… I have a point.

In The War of Art (Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Creative Battles), Steven Pressfield defines the enemy of creativity as “resistance.”  Resistance is insidious, impersonal, invisible and universal. Resistance always accompanies anything worth doing, any act that rejects immediate gratification in favor of long-term growth, health or integrity. Yet, often, we fully embrace futile resistance and avoid becoming our best selves simply because it feels safe.

Over the last ten years, starting with my first divorce, I have been on a personal quest to unmask my resistance. On this journey, I have discovered that the story I tell myself is the greatest barrier to personal fulfillment. I am my own worst critic. Unfortunately, however, I have not been able to use critical thinking to overcome the deeply engrained story of unworthiness. In fact, the more I sought to outthink the story, the more boxed-in I became. I have had to learn, and learn again, then learn some more, that feelings are not rational and must be understood simply as an emotional response to whatever is occurring.

Last year, I took a class at the Jung Center on the concept of the shadow. As part of the class, we swapped stories with our neighbors about an instance where we overcame fear. The woman sitting next to me related a story of how she became fed up with her job, laid into her boss when he wrongfully accused her of something, quit on the spot and packed up her shit and left. I was in awe. I told her she was a complete badass for standing up for her convictions and having the courage to blaze her own path. In many ways, I have done exactly what this woman did, albeit in more of a slow burn fashion than a blaze of glory of middle fingers. But, despite the similarities of our respective stories, I have never given myself permission to consider the badassery of my own actions.

Why do I judge myself by impossible standards? I can objectively see another as a badass, but I shrink at similar comparisons. I tell myself that my own actions were necessary to save my soul and I really had no choice. But, I did. I could have stayed complacent and continued the narrative that I didn’t deserve better. A funny thing happens when you step into your own. There is a feeling of great relief, but a definite period of deprogramming. I ask myself critically – who I am to buck the system? Who wants to hear my story? Who wants to follow my path and just say “fuck it”? I’m betting my last dollar there are many of you out there.

I remind myself this is a marathon and not a sprint. The belittling story I often tell myself is bullshit. And, thankfully, it is slowly fading into the background. If you ask yourself the questions – Am I worthy? Does my voice matter? Can I make a difference.? The unequivocal answer is “YES!” The trick is to use your Big Voice and overcome the fear of being seen for who you really are – your true, authentic self. I’ve met tons of asshole personas in my life. But, of the people I have met who have presented their soft underbellies of authenticity to me, not one would I consider an asshole, even if we were diametric opposites or hurt each other out of fear. That’s because when we connect with another on an intimate and personal level, we share a bond that prevents us from seeing the other as different. Even if we are individuals, we are collective of one. Be you, embrace your creativity.  Be weird.  Get freaky.  I have your back. I know you have mine. Resistance is futile.